Recent Blog Posts
Can Hardship Actually Make You Tougher?
Can you recall that saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? A new study suggests that there is a link between hardships a person has overcome and future strength. Researchers found that overcoming adversity and going through challenging experiences was linked with increased ability to enjoy happier moments in the future. If you’re considering divorce, it’s likely that you’re concerned about the emotional toll this event might take on you. Being able to move on with your life, however, may actually be better for you in the long run and allow you to live a happier life.
Psychology researchers at the University of British Columbia believe that coming to terms with difficult events, like divorce, can actually allow you to better appreciate “savored moments” in the future. In order to discover this, nearly 15,000 individuals from ages 15 to 90 were surveyed about their experiences in adverse situations. Participants also went through the process of tendency to savor special moments (such as a bubble bath). Those were overcome significant obstacles had a better ability to appreciate special moments in the future, leading researchers to conclude that there might be a silver lining towards going through struggle if it’s truly the best thing for you in the end.
Study Links Relationship Doubts With Divorce Rates
Is it possible that there’s a test that could help us better understand the connection between relationship doubts and divorce rates? According to research published in the journal Science, there’s more to relationship jitters than previously thought. Relationship doubts, especially when combined with other challenges within a relationship, can lead to separation and even divorce for couples down the road.
Scientists discovered that gut reactions experienced by people shortly after their wedding can provide a good prediction about whether the marriage would still be intact four years after saying “I do”. The study included 135 newlywed couples, all of whom reported that they were happily married. The goal of the test is to reach subconscious doubts about the relationship, since not many newlyweds would report unhappiness or concerns right away. Each individual was shown a picture of their spouse and asked to come up with a positive or negative key word associated with their spouse. Those individuals who were more positive about their relationship had no hesitations in answering the question, but those who waited a couple of seconds before responding were more likely to get divorced within the next four years.
January is Divorce Month
The New Year can be a good time to reconsider a bad relationship. According to Psychology Today, this is why January is often called divorce month—there are more divorces filed nationwide in January than in any other month. “Some couples who’ve been planning to break up choose to avoid disrupting their families during the holidays. Others may be hoping that their situation or their partner’s behaviors will change, and when nothing shifts, they opt for dissolution,” reports Psychology Today.
According to the Huffington Post, some divorce scholars have attempted to determine an exact “D-Day,” the day on which more divorces happen than any other reason. One consultant told the Huffington Post that while people begin looking for information well before the holidays, “they can’t do much until the attorney are back in the office. January 12–16 seems to be the magic week for filings.”
Reasons For Divorce After Decades of Marriage: Gray Divorce
So-called gray divorce is more and more common as the boomer generation moves into retirement age. With more women being financially independent than ever before and equitable distribution laws now in place in just about every state—including Illinois—the possibility of divorcing later in life is more available than ever. The ease with which an older couple can divorce, however, doesn’t explain why a couple of decades would decide to suddenly call it quits. The Huffington Post has identified reasons that many couples turn to divorce even after decades of marriage. 
The Changing Face of Marriage (and Divorce) in Illinois
On November 5, 2013, Illinois became the 15th state to legalize same-sex marriage as both the House and Senate passed the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act. These are indeed exciting times for supporters, and it appears that equality for all is truly the mantra of this new generation. Those pushing for a change in the law often referenced what the Declaration of Independence so aptly espoused, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
With that change, however, come new challenges and the inevitability that even a same-sex marriage may not work out like the couple had hoped. Enter the very real possibility that there will be a growing market-place for same-sex divorce.
Substance Abuse & Divorce
The American media and the ease with which current events are disseminated has left everyone with a news outlet capable of hearing stories about their favorite celebrities’ trips to rehab for substance abuse. With the recent revelations that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoked crack cocaine, comedian Artie Lange’s substance abuse and suicide attempts, Josh Brolin’s recent drunken bar brawl and subsequent swearing off of liquor, ABC’s Elizabeth Vargas being treated for alcohol dependence, and ‘Glee’ star Cory Monteith’s death from an overdose, it’s clear that substance abuse is a very real and dangerous thing.
Divorced People More Likely to Date Other Divorced People
Divorce rates in the U.S. are consistently reported as close to 50 percent. This means that if you’re above the average marrying age of first marriage (which, while it’s continued to increase, is still solidly mid-20s), you’re likely to date someone who’s already been married and divorced as well. “Odds are pretty good that anyone on the dating scene is dancing, dining, and movie-going with someone who has been divorced, and more than once,” according to the Chicago Tribune. While most relationship experts, reports the Tribune, don’t see a problem with this, it’s important to keep in mind what you want from the relationship and where you see it going.
Cheaters More Likely to Forgive Cheaters
Research from the U.K. recently found that “warring couples are only half as likely to cite adultery as the cause of marriage breakdown than they were 40 years ago,” according to The Guardian. Bad behavior, especially that which is considered unreasonable, was the leading reason for divorce—47 percent of people surveyed in the recent study. In the 1970s, what was considered unreasonable behavior accounted for only 28 percent of all divorces. “Examples of unreasonable behavior,” according to The Guardian, “include an unsociable husband making his wife feel guilty when she wanted to go out with her friends; a cross-dressing husband who decided to have a sex change; and a spouse withdrawing all the family savings.” 
Three Mistakes to Avoid When Considering Divorce
Filing for divorce can be an emotionally and mentally draining experience. The act of filing for divorce can bring up a lot of turbulent emotions in both parties. Especially contentious divorces have the added stress of placing a financial drain on the two parties as well. If you are considering filing for divorce in Illinois, avoiding these mistakes can help ensure the process goes as smoothly as possible.
Mistake #1 – Viewing your spouse as the enemy.
Even if you are filing for divorce now, you once loved each other enough to vow to spend your lives together. Try to keep that in mind throughout the process when things are getting emotional and intense. If the two of you have children together, you will likely still have to be able to communicate on a regular basis, and it is best to remain civil.
Mistake #2 – Losing sight of family.
Ex Chicago Board of Trade Chairman Accused of Fleeing Overseas to Avoid Divorce Case
Former Chicago Board of Trade Chairman Patrick Arbor has allegedly fled the country after being ordered to pay his wife tens of thousands of dollars in temporary support during their divorce proceedings, according to the Chicago Tribune.
The couple filed for divorce last year, and the process has been quite contentious. Arbor’s Chicago divorce lawyers say they do not know where he is, and Arbor has failed to appear in court for months. Frustrated with Arbor’s actions, Judge Thomas Kelly finalized the divorce in early October, awarding Arbor’s ex-wife Antoinette Vigilante $18 million. He also ordered that Arbor be taken into custody and jailed until he pays an additional $289,000 in overdue spousal support.
