Are Friends Toxic to Marriage? Today’s New Landscape of Infidelity

 Posted on July 21, 2014 in Divorce

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. has proclaimed to have saved thousands of marriages over the years by offering advice on marital conflicts and several of the quickest methods for restoring a harmonious path for couples. One area of concern for Harley is that we should carefully choose our friends after the nuptials to decrease the chances of appearing before a judge awaiting a final divorce decree.

Harley mentioned that when discussing the topic of avoiding the extramarital affair it is often wise to forego continuing friendships with members of the opposite sex. Even though many have bulked at Harley’s suggestion, believing it to be somewhat ridiculous and controlling, Harley believes that keeping these types of friendships intact often prove to be the breeding ground for infidelity even among the best of friends.

Harley elaborates by stating that often, if you are just seeking a fun night out on the town, perhaps a chance encounter with a stranger will foot the bill. But for those seeking the comfort and understanding of a partner in an extramarital affair, who better to share the experience but with a trusted, longtime friend?

Harley’s theory is also shared by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D, ABPP, author of NOT “Just Friends.” Glass has named this type of pre-divorce activity as, the “new infidelity.” Both Harley and Glass collaboratively suggest that these types of affairs are not between thrill seekers but those who have passionately crossed the line from platonic friendship to romantic relationship.

Of course this type of platonic friendship turned romantic affair is not headline news. The expansion of exposure to new types of situations may be. The new crisis of infidelity and divorce is that as a society we have broadened our acquaintance base. We have work relationships, Internet liaisons, and of course, “he has been my best friend forever” which may become the biggest threat to our marital existence.

So to summarize, good people in good marriages are having affairs. Both Harley and Glass believe that once an affair has been exposed, it could go either way. The offending spouse will swear off the liaison with the co-worker or long-time friend and work to save the marriage, or will pack their duffle and drive off to the local hotel until the divorce proceedings appear on the court docket.

If you recently uncovered your spouse’s indiscretion with a trusted family friend or long-time co-worker and have decided to forgo marriage counseling, choosing a compassionate but experienced Geneva divorce attorney is your next course of action. The legal team at The Law Offices of Douglas B. Warlick & Associates will aggressively protect your legal rights to obtain a fair and equitable settlement but we will also work swiftly to ensure that your emotional investment is as minimal as possible. For over 30 years, Attorney Warlick has been building a reputation for excellence, effectiveness and integrity. If you reside in the Kendall, Dekalb, or DuPage counties contact The Law Offices of Douglas B. Warlick & Associates today.